The Neighborhood Group Chat Is Out of Control

The neighborhood group chat is the single greatest threat to a peaceful Saturday morning.

It started innocently enough. Lisa signed us up two years ago so we could get trash day reminders. Fine. Reasonable. And then Gary from the cul-de-sac discovered the mute button does not apply to him, and now my phone buzzes 47 times before I've finished my first cup of coffee. Forty-seven. I counted.

• The "Just a Quick Question" Post. It is never a quick question. It is a 400-word property grievance dressed up as a question, and it ends with "just real quick, does anyone know the HOA policy on decorative rocks?" Nobody knows, Gary. Nobody has ever known.
• The Unsolicited Contractor Review. Someone got a good deal on gutters in 2021 and has not stopped mentioning it. The guy's name is Dale. Dale gets four to six endorsements per week. Dale does not need more business.
• The Blurry Photo of a Dog. Posted with the caption "anyone know whose this is" and zero other context. The photo is 90% pavement. The dog could be anyone's. The dog could be a raccoon.

Anyway. I have not left the chat because last spring it told me the ice cream truck route had changed, and that information genuinely saved my afternoon.

Stay humble out there.